RIP my baby boy [brayden]

Brayden was born on February 10th, 2010 and passed away on February 13th 2012. Experiencing something like this was the best/worst feeling ever. The best because we enjoyed brayden the 3 days that he was here and gave him all the love that he needed also he changed our lives so much in so many ways. We love him so much and he will never be forgetten. Hes watching over us now.. God wouldnt put us through anything that we couldn't handle. The worst part of it is, losing our little guy i didnt want to let him go... wish that things could of been different and we could of took him home but he had a different plan. I want to be able to love on him and kiss on him but know that it can't be that way.. i can still love him though.
Brayden mommy and daddy love you so much, there isn't a way to explain how much that we love you.

here are some pictures of brayden. hes the cutest baby ever.

Maternity PIctures

We got some maternity pictures taken for our little guy :)

36 weeks 5 days

Doctor appointment today was okay, not really all that i wanted to hear though. Brayden hasnt gained any weight since last week but my doctor said that its normal sometimes they stay the same weight or even weigh a little less and that she will be more concerned next week if he hasnt gained any, which i hope that he does. His heart rate was a little bit lower today but as long as it doesnt get under 110 he should be fine, it was 122 bpm. He was moving alot though, didnt get to see his face or anything because hes to big in there and all scrunched up, im just ready to meet our little guy!! I have been so itchy lately and my doctor said sometimes pregnant people just get that way, so i got some benedryl hopefully that helps but had to get my blood drawn to make sure that it isnt something that can cause still birth, YIKES i hope not :( Im just all worried now. But on a good note my c-section is scheduled for Feb 17th at 8:45 in the morning, im excited/scared i hope everything goes better than what doctors tell us i have faith though.

great doctor appointment :)

Everything went great today at the doctor. Brayden weighs 6 lbs 4 oz and is measuring perfectly other than the normal news his legs are still 5 weeks behind. I had asked the doctor today if she thought brayden has enough fluid on his brain to make him have a mental disability and she said no, its not even likely that he will need a shunt. He is practicing his breathing and swallowing normally. He also has good brain activity moves his fingers quite a bit ect. The surgery schedule-er is suppose to call me tomorrow or monday to set up my c-section for 39 weeks so we are trying for friday feb 17th if we can get that day.. which is only 3 weeks away :) mommy is excited to meet her little guy. We didnt get any good pictures today because he was being a little squirmer.. but i seen him yawn and his eyes were open again. I think hes ready to meet his mommy and daddy !! hehe. Hoping for a little miracle everyday, still preparing ourselves for the worst. He seems to be doing pretty good though !!

Update on our little man

Short update on brayden:
GOOD NEWS! he was 3 pounds 7 ounces last time i went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and they were sort of concerned that he was slowing down on growth... but today he is 4 pounds 15 ounces.. hes becoming a little chunker :) Im excited about that. He opened his eyes today on camera which the nurse said that doesnt happen to often so she hurried and got a picture .. its not that great of one but its still amazing he did that for mom and dad!! We love seeing him on camera but I dont see dr barsoom anymore which means no more good pictures :( so this will be the last one i upload. As far as it goes with his length in his arms and legs they are still measuring behind 5 weeks and they can only get measurements of his thigh's because of the way he is sitting.. not to mention RIGHT ON MY BLADDER ( so i always have to pee every 20 minutes it seems like ). A little more good news... his chest cavity wasnt a big concern today as much as it was last time i seen dr barsoom .. its small but not to abnormal :)  I dont see dr barsoom anymore because brayden is stable now i only see the main OBGYN every 2 weeks until the end... 7 weeks left... hes almost here.. we have mixed emotions about the whole deal considering his condition but still have little amounts of hope that we get a miracle. Also we seen him practicing his breathing today, which is good. so we got a little bit of the normal crappy news that we hope ends up turning out better than it is sounding now and then we also got some good news today.

                                               

the picture of him with his eyes open

We seen the hospice nurse today to and have it set up that when i have brayden if he cant breathe on his own they put the little mask on him to clear out whatever fluid is in his lungs and bag air into him a few times and see if he starts breathing on his own .. if he doesn't make much of an effort on his own we will go from there with intubating him until we get the diagnosis of everything and see what is all going on and then will make decisions after all of that. We are just HOPING we dont have to be making any life span decisions though since they dont exactly know anything until he comes out. brayden has his own plan and we have to wait to figure it out . Hopefully his plan is to end up coming home with mom and dad :) but we are still preparing ourselves for the worst. The hospice nurse along with the neonatologist and some other practitioners will be in the delivery room with us helping us with our questions about his breathing IF he even needs help. ect

lost hope :(

Well seen the OBGYN, fetal specialist, and prenatal hospice today and it didnt go so well. Brayden's arms and legs are 5 weeks off on growth and his feet are bowed. His chest cavity is small so there is a very low chance that he will survive at all .. he will most likely have to be put on life support when he is born and if so we are choosing to let it in gods hands and let things happen how they are suppose to and spend as much time with brayden while we can. Its a very hard and sad thing to deal with but we are taking it one day at a time. The Only positive things we heard today is that Brayden is now 3 pounds and for future if chris and i want to have children this most likely would never happen to us again. We are preparing for the worst but we will always love brayden and he will always be our first child. Maybe he will come out and things will turn out better than we are planning for, but i dont put my hopes up to much for that considering the way things are looking now. I still will be seeing the obgyn every 2 weeks to see our little guy and dr barsoom the fetal specialist once a month.. we meet with the prenatal hospice lady nancy in 4 weeks with dr barsoom to talk about preparing for brayden's death more when chris can go with (today he had to work) . Here are pictures of brayden from today 29 weeks 5 days. hes got such a cute pouty face..

love his pouty face

his poor little leg and foot

his foot

his cute face

December 1st regular OB appt

Well this last week on thursday i had a regular OB checkup and was suppose to get the digestional diabetes test done but had gotten the flu so couldnt do it. I also was suppose to meet with our Hospice nurse (nancy) that day for the first meeting but was to sick to go so now it is rescheduled with the appointments on December 15th. Brayden is doing good as of now his growth is still off but he is still a little active bugger and his heart is good :) here is our side view picture that we got that day. Ill keep this updated when we go to the next doctor appointments with Dr Barsoom, Regular OB, and the Hospice nurse on the 15th.