Dear Brayden

There is never a day that goes by that i dont think about you, i miss you so much. I wish i could hold you, feed you, love on you and give you kisses, and take care of you but instead all i can do is think about you and know that your watching over your mom and dad. I have learned to accept it but sometimes its hard because im left wondering why this had to happen. Why you had to be sick and couldnt come home with us. I know this happened for a reason and the short 3 days of your life i enjoyed every minute that i spent with you.. those 3 days of your life mean so much to me and i will never forget them.  The night you took out your breathing tube we knew it was now up to you to decide if you belonged in god's home or with your family..  i enjoyed getting to hold you without having to be careful because of your tubes it didnt feel right with all of those tubes.. i know you werent comfortable and plus you looked SO beautiful without them. Mommy loves you so much little guy. Hopefully someday mommy and daddy will have you a little brother or sister we can tell them all about you and how much you changed our life. We will always remember you, you are never forgotten <3

genetics appointment

Chris and I had an appointment with dr olney (genetics councilor and shes great) about chris and i's future with having children. It actually went pretty good.. she doesn't recommend that Chris and i get testing done and that we have a 3 to 5 percent chance of having another child with campomelic dysplasia, SOOO eventually we are going to try again. I am still going to be scared during the pregnancy but if we get a healthy baby it will be worth it. I am thinking about keeping this blog going even though it was made specifically for Brayden.. we still miss him and he will never be forgotten so of course he will still be in the blog just after i started blogging i don't want to stop :) .  A day doesn't ever go by without me thinking about Brayden and what it would be like if he could of survived with campomelic dysplasia and what our lives would be like.. he was such a cute little booger. Mommy loves you little guy <3 . Anyway, that was it for the short update.
bye friends

RIP my baby boy [brayden]

Brayden was born on February 10th, 2010 and passed away on February 13th 2012. Experiencing something like this was the best/worst feeling ever. The best because we enjoyed brayden the 3 days that he was here and gave him all the love that he needed also he changed our lives so much in so many ways. We love him so much and he will never be forgetten. Hes watching over us now.. God wouldnt put us through anything that we couldn't handle. The worst part of it is, losing our little guy i didnt want to let him go... wish that things could of been different and we could of took him home but he had a different plan. I want to be able to love on him and kiss on him but know that it can't be that way.. i can still love him though.
Brayden mommy and daddy love you so much, there isn't a way to explain how much that we love you.

here are some pictures of brayden. hes the cutest baby ever.

Maternity PIctures

We got some maternity pictures taken for our little guy :)

36 weeks 5 days

Doctor appointment today was okay, not really all that i wanted to hear though. Brayden hasnt gained any weight since last week but my doctor said that its normal sometimes they stay the same weight or even weigh a little less and that she will be more concerned next week if he hasnt gained any, which i hope that he does. His heart rate was a little bit lower today but as long as it doesnt get under 110 he should be fine, it was 122 bpm. He was moving alot though, didnt get to see his face or anything because hes to big in there and all scrunched up, im just ready to meet our little guy!! I have been so itchy lately and my doctor said sometimes pregnant people just get that way, so i got some benedryl hopefully that helps but had to get my blood drawn to make sure that it isnt something that can cause still birth, YIKES i hope not :( Im just all worried now. But on a good note my c-section is scheduled for Feb 17th at 8:45 in the morning, im excited/scared i hope everything goes better than what doctors tell us i have faith though.

great doctor appointment :)

Everything went great today at the doctor. Brayden weighs 6 lbs 4 oz and is measuring perfectly other than the normal news his legs are still 5 weeks behind. I had asked the doctor today if she thought brayden has enough fluid on his brain to make him have a mental disability and she said no, its not even likely that he will need a shunt. He is practicing his breathing and swallowing normally. He also has good brain activity moves his fingers quite a bit ect. The surgery schedule-er is suppose to call me tomorrow or monday to set up my c-section for 39 weeks so we are trying for friday feb 17th if we can get that day.. which is only 3 weeks away :) mommy is excited to meet her little guy. We didnt get any good pictures today because he was being a little squirmer.. but i seen him yawn and his eyes were open again. I think hes ready to meet his mommy and daddy !! hehe. Hoping for a little miracle everyday, still preparing ourselves for the worst. He seems to be doing pretty good though !!

Update on our little man

Short update on brayden:
GOOD NEWS! he was 3 pounds 7 ounces last time i went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and they were sort of concerned that he was slowing down on growth... but today he is 4 pounds 15 ounces.. hes becoming a little chunker :) Im excited about that. He opened his eyes today on camera which the nurse said that doesnt happen to often so she hurried and got a picture .. its not that great of one but its still amazing he did that for mom and dad!! We love seeing him on camera but I dont see dr barsoom anymore which means no more good pictures :( so this will be the last one i upload. As far as it goes with his length in his arms and legs they are still measuring behind 5 weeks and they can only get measurements of his thigh's because of the way he is sitting.. not to mention RIGHT ON MY BLADDER ( so i always have to pee every 20 minutes it seems like ). A little more good news... his chest cavity wasnt a big concern today as much as it was last time i seen dr barsoom .. its small but not to abnormal :)  I dont see dr barsoom anymore because brayden is stable now i only see the main OBGYN every 2 weeks until the end... 7 weeks left... hes almost here.. we have mixed emotions about the whole deal considering his condition but still have little amounts of hope that we get a miracle. Also we seen him practicing his breathing today, which is good. so we got a little bit of the normal crappy news that we hope ends up turning out better than it is sounding now and then we also got some good news today.

                                               

the picture of him with his eyes open

We seen the hospice nurse today to and have it set up that when i have brayden if he cant breathe on his own they put the little mask on him to clear out whatever fluid is in his lungs and bag air into him a few times and see if he starts breathing on his own .. if he doesn't make much of an effort on his own we will go from there with intubating him until we get the diagnosis of everything and see what is all going on and then will make decisions after all of that. We are just HOPING we dont have to be making any life span decisions though since they dont exactly know anything until he comes out. brayden has his own plan and we have to wait to figure it out . Hopefully his plan is to end up coming home with mom and dad :) but we are still preparing ourselves for the worst. The hospice nurse along with the neonatologist and some other practitioners will be in the delivery room with us helping us with our questions about his breathing IF he even needs help. ect